8-28-2001

9:30 PM

Today was long, hard, dirty and tough.
Lots of people claimed to accept Jesus by the end of the day, but that is really up to God, it’s not about numbers, it never has with me, which is not to say it is with others, just my view of me, which I seem to be getting reacquainted with, daily or more so often.
There was some conflict today and it was very frustrating. Afterwards, Billy walked me away from it and we talked.

First off, here’s what I wrote this morning:

8:45 AM
Well, I'm sitting in a straw hut in the yard of the lodge writing on a laptop in Zambia, Africa...how weird is that? Just writing that sentence reads bizarre.
Anyway, the wind is up today, which could mean bad things for our concert today. The open playing areas for us are what the townships use as soccer fields...dirt soccer fields comprised of red dust, broken glass, soda can tops and pieces of metal and debris. Oh, and I may have forgotten to mention that just about everyone plays barefoot, most can't afford new or good shoes. I've seen lots of foot worn thong sandals.

I think most of us, if not all of us (that is every living person), live our lives in a mental time warp, thinking inside of ourselves that we are still a particular age and appearance. You've heard this from me before, but Pastor Monza spoke a number of nights back and referred to our skin and bodies as boxes...appropriate, I think. I think we live in a mental box and forget how others see us, unless they remind us of that by comment or criticism. I'm digressing, but hey, it's my journal!

I've moved from the hut into the lodge for our prayer and info meeting and will be leaving in 13 minutes for the field in the compound. Still very windy and such, but it will be what it will be. At least we know that the electrician is on site and preparing for today and us. What we don't know is that Max E will be there with the sound system if it is, indeed, that windy out there. I guess we'll find out soon.

The medicine is here, but it is for not for our use, more so for the doctor of the hospital who ordered it.

9:22 - signing off.

And now for the scenario that the first part of this alluded to.

Scenario:
The morning at the lodge went according to schedule, pretty much, and the band including Junar, went to re-supply at the mall and then out to the outdoor compound. Because of the wind, Billy and I were concerned that the compound did not get watered down last night and that the Parmar’s would not set up the equipment.
As it was, when we got there, the stage was under construction, 2 hours late, but under construction. The wind was blowing 15 to 20 miles an hour and the dust and dirt made it look like a dust storm. Friday, our driver was asked to park by the wall and for us to unload the gear. I said that is not a good idea because of the wind and dust blowing. This was rebutted.
The result was that we did unload our equipment into the conditions and there were negative results from it. Suffice it to say that this put a strain on the rest of my time there. My fuse was lit; everything that has angered me on this trip became very clear again. I edited out the scene and the participants, but the affect on me was definite.

We stayed there all day, in the sun with no shelter for most of the day, we got so full of dirt, I couldn’t sweat, it just absorbed into the layering on my skin.

The stage got finished, the Parmar’s DID show up with equipment and they stuck it out with us. I won’t go into all the details, but we did have a sound system. I have nothing but frustration on my mind, which of course makes it tough to play creatively.

When we finished, the sun was just going down and it was dusk. We loaded Francis’s truck full of 4 huge bass bin speakers, standing on ends so they could fit in his pick up, the Parmar’s truck with the rest of the sound equipment and the van with our gear and our people. Crammed I’m sure.

Billy told me to ride with him and Francis, Max, Mat and Roger in Francis’s truck. Matt and I hopped into the back of the truck to hold the speakers, as did another guy who came with the Parmar’s to help. Problem was that a group of young adult boys and men came to Francis’s window and demanded money for us to leave the compound…they were not big on our refusal to give them any money and began reaching at us and pinching and pushing the truck from side to side and such. I yelled for the local pastor to come but he couldn’t hear us and Francis stood out his door and said to me that we must pay them or they will make much trouble for us. I told him absolutely not and yelled again for the pastor who then did hear us and came and told the guys to step back. As soon as they did, Francis began to drive and they followed us, chased us all the way to the paved road, jumping on the back, pulling at the speakers. Matt and the other guy pushed them off, most of the time they landed on their feet, sometimes they didn’t, but I was no longer concerned with that aspect.

We were thankful to getaway without it getting more physical, but our next problem presented itself as we drove and came to a Left turn…the speakers are not tied down and occupy 95% of the truck’s floor bed. Matt was hanging over the side of the truck holding onto the speakers and when we took the turn everything tipped his direction. I grabbed him and pulled him to me, which in turn pulled the speakers back too. Once we were straight again I looked under my feet and saw the awning we bought and opened the nylon part of it up, threw it around the back of the speakers and held onto the to ends, tied them together and held the 4 speakers in the truck while holding onto the roll-bar in the back of the truck.

We drove a number of miles that way through town to get to downtown where we unloaded the equipment at the Parmar’s shop. Max was very grateful for our help and what we are doing.

I had hoped everyone else got out all right, and was comforted when we got to the lodge and saw the other vehicles parked inside.

I pulled Billy aside and reiterated what was happening with me and that I am struggling terribly to stay with the program. I do not want a repeat of this day, in any form, other than that many folks accepted Christ when the offer was made from the stage.

I’m not cut for the missions’ field, but I believe I can support them in many ways, but being on site like this and participating, though incredibly mind blowing and life changing in some ways, is not my calling or gift. My hat is off to those who do this for life and a living.

Tomorrow we are supposed to play at the mall, outdoors on the field behind the mall. Francis’s brother manages the Shoprite in the mall and it is against his building that we would be playing from.

I will not risk my gear, the church’s gear, my comrades or myself again like we did today. The mall has security (but they are the ones with automatic weapons…)

When we got back, after these little mini-meetings, Billy and I were told that Pastor Thomas from the Vineyard, the one who spoke today, wanted all of us to meet to discuss what we thought of the day and ask what we got out of it. I wasn’t asked…, Billy was and I don’t know who else, but I wasn’t and the other team member wasn’t there…

I’m trying not to be angry, but it is difficult.

I love you so very much.
Thanks for listening to me.
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